god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
