I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
