i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
