If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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