Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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