My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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