hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
