Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
