My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
