Already got asked if we're dating
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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