this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
