i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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