You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
