JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
