He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
