Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
