Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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