why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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