I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
