just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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