last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
