I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
