end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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