Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
