During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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