it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
