I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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