have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
