i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
