What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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