I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
