I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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