The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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