it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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