i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
