in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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