I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Enjoy the penises
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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