As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
