I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
