I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
