Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
