i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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