question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
