elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
