We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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