How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
