i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
