she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
