So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
