it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize