We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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