Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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