So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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