You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
