walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
