Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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