Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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