I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
