Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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