Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
