You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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