He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
