Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
