She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
