Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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