Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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