6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
