i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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