this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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