toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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