If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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