chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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