You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
