hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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