I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
