what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
