im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
