i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
