tell your sister to shave her snatch
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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