I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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