can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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