oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
