Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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